One day my daughter Arianna was at the swimming pool and a girl about her age. She asked “Will you be my friend?” The answer was “Sure.” Arianna added “I’ll be your best friend forever!” Now that’s trust. She made the assumption that anyone about her height is a potential friend for life…and so they can be. It takes time to build real trust.
A few days ago I attended the book release party for “The Trust Edge” written by my friend David Horsager. David begins his new book, “The Trust Edge”, with a story about coming home from work and meeting his three-year-old son at the door with excited eyes and a big smile shouting “Daddy, throw me up in the air really HIGH!” His son has complete trust that his father will catch him every time.
When a child is born they trust their parents implicitly. As a child ages and gains experience in life, their likelihood to trust goes down and eventually it can lead to becoming cynical as adults. As a child has trust in his father, there is a special trust in letting our worries go as adults. We need to put our trust is something reliable. I once heard wise advice that said “each evening I give my troubles to God…since he’s going to up all night, anyway.” There is little we can do to change most situations during our sleep. We have an “illusion of control” that we can let go of and will help us to be healthier people. Trust can help us get a good night rest to be well prepared to take positive actions for what we actually can do the next morning.
Once a man was hiking in the mountains and fell over the edge of a cliff. On the way down, he grabbed a branch but had no way to pull himself back up. He screamed for help. Suddenly, a thundering voice came from the sky saying “I am God. I will save you. Do you trust me?” “Yes.” said the man. “Do you really trust me?” said the voice. “Yes!” said the man in desperation. The voice instructed “Let go of the branch!” to which the man asked “Is there anyone else up there?”
God is The Most Trustworthy
Even though we may fight it, when there is no one else to trust, there is always someone that is trustworthy and it’s God. I learned this lesson at a deep level after an experience that completely changed my view of trust. My spouse had been the one person in the world that I had placed the most trust in. She betrayed that trust and proceeded to divorce me with no hope of reconciliation. During this dark time of my life, a friend shared this simple story:
A man owned a beautiful horse. One day the horse ran away. The townspeople offered sympathy for his great misfortune. The man said simply, “Such is life.”
A few days later the mare returned followed by a handsome wild stallion. The townspeople congratulated the man for his good fortune. He said, “Such is life.”
Later, the man’s only son fell off the stallion and broke his leg. The townspeople once again expressed their sympathy but the man said, “Such is life.”
War broke out and all the young men of the village except the man’s lame son were drafted and subsequently killed in battle. The townspeople were amazed as the man’s good luck. His son was the only young man left alive in the village. But the man kept his same attitude: despite all the turmoil, gains and losses, he gave the same reply, “Such is life.”
Some may object that God is not trustworthy because they see pain in the world. This story helped me to understand how something terrible may actually be good and how we might explain that God is trustworthy in the middle of hard times. At the point of my divorce, God was truly the only one left that I knew was fully trustworthy. I thought the divorce was the worst thing that could happen in my life. Now looking back with greater perspective, I’d say it was one of the best things that happened to me. What I learned through that experience and how I grew as a person completely changed me for the better. No one sets out on his or her wedding day to imagine the day their divorce is finalized…but when it became a reality for me I had to make the best of it. I believe God did not create the situation but He allowed it. God was powerful enough to work out the situation for my good. (Romans 8:28)
So who can say what is good or bad? You need the greater context to know. Our perspective is the key that changes the view of something as good or bad. From close up and with a myopic view it’s hard to tell. From far away and with greater wisdom our view might change. After I recovered from my divorce, I searched for a new companion. Trust was the most important quality I looked for in a future spouse. God did help me to find the right person and today I’m blessed with a new relationship and family because I changed my old pattern, trusted God, and did something different.
I think of this issue through the eyes of a parent. When a child is first learning about hot and cold, a careful and loving parent may allow the child to experience some minor pain in order to prevent a greater future pain. “You see this pan? It can get VERY hot. Go ahead and touch it quickly. It might hurt. See how hot it is? You need to be VERY careful not to touch a hot pan or you’ll get a big ouchie.” In life, we might see everything that happens in our short time on earth as a relatively minor pain in the context of eternity and a huge universe.
The next time you’re wondering who to trust take out some money. You’ll find the answer there “In God We Trust”…not the money. Finances may go up and down but we can make it through the changes.
A new school principal was startled to see the door to the school supply room wide open with teachers taking things in and out freely as they prepared for the arrival of students. At his previous school, the principal had instituted an elaborate check-out system to keep tabs on supplies. He asked the school’s custodian, “Do you think it’s wise to keep the stock room unlocked and to let the teachers take things without requisitions?” The custodian replied wisely “We trust them with the children, don’t we?”
Trust is so much about priorities. We don’t trust everyone with everything. You must have a competency in the area where you are trusted. For example, when I juggle flaming torches or sharp knives I have to trust that not only will each throw I make be accurate enough to not fly out into the audience and hurt someone (although I’ve got insurance for that) but also that it will come back into my hand the right way so that I don’t hurt myself. It’s a competency that is not implicit. I have built it up through practice. Even more trust is required when the knives are flying back and forth between two partners. This trust is build up with consistency over time and creates teamwork.
Norman Vincent Peal once said “when fate throws a dagger at you there are two ways to handle it. Catch it by the blade and let it cut you or seize the problem by the handle and use it to fight obstacle ahead.” Just like the handle on a knife, there is a handle for every fear. We need to throw, let go, and trust it will happen and everything will be OK. (Of course, the practice helps.)
Perhaps the greatest example of childhood trust and bravery was when a young boy named David stood up to a giant soldier named Goliath when no one else would. The Bible says that David trusted God who had consistently helped him in the past “The LORD … will deliver me from the hand of this Philistine. … David ran quickly towards the battle line.” 1 Sam. 17:37, 48 If onl
y we could have the kind of trust that allows us to run quickly toward our fears.
According to one Bible search, the phrase “Fear not” is in the Bible 365 times…or one for everyday of the year. If God is for us, who can be against us? “In my anguish I cried to the Lord, and he answered by setting me free. The Lord is with me; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?” — Psalm 118:5-6
The Bible has this to say: “It is better to trust in the LORD than to put confidence in man.” Psalms 118:8 (NKJV) “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:5-6
Who do you trust? Are they completely trustworthy? Do you need to trust God?
Being Trustworthy
After even one lie, a child may not trust again. Acting hypocritical may also allow a child to lose trust. The way we build trust in a child is the same way we build trust in others. You must treat people with respect, show love, keep your word, and not break promises. Doing so will set an example that people will respect and respond to positively. When you make a mistake you should explain and admit your errors.
Are you trustworthy? Do you build trust in others by acting consistently over time?
Look back on worst times in life. What did you learn? Did you allow it to make you better or bitter?
If the issue of trust is something to you’re looking at improving in your life, I highly recommend David’s book “The Trust Edge“. I’m sure this book will have a positive impact on many people and organizations. Check it out.
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