Over the last year, I’ve collected funny things that our daughters have said or done. Here’s the scoop by subject from the mouths of a 3 and 5 year old. Lots of nuggets of wisdom.
ON FOOD AND EATING
After making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, Arianna explained to her sister that Sometimes the jelly hangs out. She also determined that adding a slice of ham to the above sandwich was The best sandwich ever!
Attempting to take advantage of a teachable moment, I said to the girls Do you know where do pickles come from? This is a cucumber. What does it look like? Arianna said, “It looks like Larry.” (from Veggie Tales)
We have habacados! They’re green. – Brielle
Once Brielle dropped a potsticker on the floor. Before we could even realize it she had made a trip to the bathroom to “wash it off” by dipping it in the toilet. No wonder kids get sick.
I told Brielle You drink so much milk all the time, you must be a milkaholic. Her reply? No. I’m not a holic, I’m Brielle.
Arianna invited me to a tea party in her room and gave me some play ice cream to eat. I asked Can I have a spoon? She rebuffed me Dad…it’s just pretend! I was sorry I got so realistic on her.
One day Brielle was obviously sad. With open arms I asked “What do you need sweetheart?” Instead of answering “a hug”, her response was “a hot dog.” I guess Oscar Meyer can make you feel all right.
Looking at the box, I asked Brielle what the flavors of popsicles were…. red, Cherry, yellow, Lemon, purple, Grape, orange, Orange, and green …Grass. So we’re getting into flavors that are popular with cows and horses now.
Brielle asked for Captain Crotch cereal one morning. Interesting but not very appetizing.
Arianna’s creative breakfast: Graham crackers with cheese and peanut butter bread with crackers on top …mmm
Cleaning up Play Dough one day, it seemed like there was quite a lot less than what they started with. I opened the fridge to find plates of Play Dough cookies with plastic wrap on them!
We were eating some pizza and Arianna paused “Wait a minute! We’re having a pizza party!” Let’s celebrate dinner tonight!
Daddy! I’m strong enough to open the cheese! Brielle, it’s the little victories that count.
At the grocery store we were looking for a coloring book but unable to find it. Arianna said she knew where they were (even though she had never been in the store before) and so I followed her. After looking in a few places we arrived at the canned food aisle where she declared, “they were here, but they turned into food!”
Arianna made her own breakfast for the first time this year. She said I asked Jesus if it was OK and he said yes I could have cereal.
ON WINTER
It’s kind of slushy out here in the snow. It’s making my feet sound like music. Arianna
How does salt help melt the ice? “‘Cause it’s magical.” – Arianna
ON LOOKS
After mom fixed Brielle’s hair she came running to me saying “Dad! I’m cute!” I answered, “Yes, you look adorable.” “No! I’m not Dora!”
A friend told Arianna You look like your daddy. Her reply No, I’m a girl!
ON SCHOOL AND LEARNING
How was school today Arianna? “I learned about the letter F!”
I’m so happy because I got the sharing bag! I need to find something that begins with N. Arianna.
ON GAMES AND SPORTS
My favorite Wii games are tennis, princess, and skiing. Some games are tricky. Arianna
I realized Arianna had been playing too many games on the computer when she set up a relay course in the living room and said Want to play dad? When you’re ready, CLICK on me to start.
We played tic tac toe the other day…as if it wasn’t a totally pointless game.
I played football for the first time with the girls in the backyard. We made plays in the huddle for Brielle and Arianna to go out for a pass. I told Arianna she was a great quarterback. After one pass she said “I did a great throw. Do I get a quarter now?”
Arianna runs like she’s on the front of the Titanic…with her arms out to maximize the feeling of the wind!
Arianna said “Baseball is too easy for girls.” You’d think she would love baseball considering a former MN Twins pitcher performed our wedding and I was born on the day the MN Twins won the American League Pennant. Evidently, she’s up for bigger challenges like swinging and sliding at the park.
One day we were on a bike ride with Arianna on the back trailer bike. She yelled “See how fast we’re going? That means my feet are very happy. They like going fast.” She wanted to go even faster… “OK feet…get happy! Do you know why they’re so happy? Because it was your birthday last night.” …and she never even saw Steve Martin and his happy feet. Speaking of speed, Arianna said Gas is inside of you so you can run faster.
I was happily chasing our girls around the house as they screamed with excitement. Afterwards, Arianna says “Thank you dad…for scaring us.”
ON HEALING
Band aids will fix nearly any hurt …even if you’re not bleeding. I asked Brielle Do you feel better? I like band aids. One time we got a package of sparkly glitter band aids. As I opened the box, the girls waited with great anticipation What will it look like? Wooooow.” I heard in a whisper: “Can I touch it?”
Arianna pleaded Dad, I very want to go on a bike ride. Honey, we were sick with the flu yesterday and daddy isn’t feeling well enough to go on a bike ride yet. Dad, I’ll try not to throw up and we’ll go on a bike ride.
After being in the hospital, Arianna sent a thank you card to someone that had given her a nice gift. This was the reply “Absolutely beautiful. I came to work stressed out and uptight – That’s all gone now.† She just absolutely made my day.” That’s the power of a child at work.
One morning Brielle came to me and said I want I-Bu-Pro-Fin. Wow! Big words for a 3 year old. I’m glad she’s OK with the Generic.
KISSES
I was putting Arianna to sleep when she kissed the palm of my hand. “Here’s a kiss for mama. Give it to her. Don’t drop it! It’s breakable.” I was careful to get it to its destination safely.
PRAYER
Dear Jesus. I pray that all the monsters go away for all the friends in the world. -Arianna. Pretty much sums it up. Get rid of bad stuff for everyone.
Help daddy not to be allergic and to sleep well. In Jesus name…with a cat…Amen. – Arianna
I was on a business trip in California when Arianna prayed for me: Please keep daddy safe in fornicatia.
I pray I will not have a shot at the ‘hostibal’. Thank you for this food. Amen. – Arianna
Arianna walks into our room at 5 am and flicks on the light. What?! “Hey you guys forgot to pray for me.” Oh. It’s the prayer police and they’ve just realized the infraction 8 hours later. “Good morning. I love you.”
Arianna’s prayer one night word for word: I’m going to say a prayer. Dear God. Help my smiley face (incision after surgery) to heal so I can go to school again. Amen. …and God said ‘Yes! I’ll make your smiley face heal. I’ll do that for you.'” She got an immediate answer from God! …and she’s back in school now.
Arianna’s Thanksgiving Prayer “Dear God. Thank you for today. Help our food and our family. Thank you for grandma and I very think her food is going to be delicious.”
SISTERS
Brielle said “I’m scared”. Arianna said to her “God is with you! Fear not! I was telling daddy about that.”
Brielle is not the best kid in the world. – Arianna who is often attempting to enforce her own discipline rules.
GETTING ATTENTION
Hey guys. I’m raising my hand here. I want to see Poinkio. What? You know the guy whose nose is getting really big. – Arianna
DISNEY
According to Arianna, Snow White has two more dorps (dwarfs) named “Nervous and Saddy.” Brielle thinks a couple are named “Tired” (sleepy), “Baddy” (grumpy), and “Snoopy”. Personally, I could barely remember the other seven.
We told Arianna that they have fireworks at Disney every night! How will we ever sleep?
WORK
Arianna’s simple plan for tomorrow: Eat breakfast TOGETHER, Play, you and mommy work, Have lunch. Tik. That’s it!
All this coloring is making me tired! A kids job is to play but even they get tired doing it. So often we tell them to stop. For example, “Stop playing with your food and just eat!” It’d be funny if they responded back Dad, I’m just doing my job.
It’s a challenge working from home at times. I’ll get on the phone with a client and Brielle will yell I went potty! with pride.
Arianna said that “Jesus should get a job.” Evidently he is now unemployed. He was a carpenter…and the housing market is down.
When I grow up I want to be a fire engine…and a mama. Arianna
COUNTING
I asked Arianna How many stars are there? as we looked at the night sky. She started counting. 1, 2, 3… I thought we’d be there a long time. Then she finally realized that there were too many to count.
There are tons of ants over there and I saw all 14 of them. – Arianna
I pointed out that Arianna dropped your candies. Yeah, I only have zero now.
THE IMPORTANCE OF HOPPING
You know what I can’t do with this blister on my toe? I can’t hop. Arianna. I realize this is important because hopping is a critical daily function. Walking wasn’t the problem. Shortly after this conversation I accidentally tripped over the girls Lego train set in the playroom and Arianna corrected me “Dad…you’re supposed to hop!”
WILDLIFE AND NATURE
“I totally saw a bird fly by.” Either Arianna’s a valley girl or she didn’t see just part of a bird…but the whole thing.
After we just saw a huge rainbow out our back porch. “It’s all rainbowy!” – Arianna
According to Arianna, the correct term is not a herd of cows but a package of cows .
I pointed out a beautiful sunset to Arianna who said “I want to buy that sky.” You can’t honey…it’s a free gift for our viewing pleasure.
It’s a girl seagull. I know because I saw it smiling. – Arianna
DRIVING
When I get bigger I’ll sit in the front seat (of the car) and then everyone will know that I’m a mommy.
SHORTCUTS
I was reading Arianna the “Little Hen” book where the hen asked for help and a bunch of animals say “Not I”. I thought I could speed it up and get them to bed sooner by covertly turning two pages as one and skipping an animal. At the end of the section Arianna asked “What about the cat?” I was busted. The little girl had memorized the book.
GERMANS
Arianna said “I want to play with a German.” I wondered when nationality had become so important in a play date?† I got a haircut. She told me “Daddy. you look like a German.” What? It took me a while, but finally I realized she was trying to say her cousin’s name “Benjamin”!
ON BOYS AND MARRIAGE
Arianna (5 years old) was watching an older boy walk across the parking lot. “Isn’t he enchanting? Isn’t he just so beautiful? He must be six.” Scary.
On occasion, Arianna has said When I grow up I want to marry you daddy. She called me prince handsome . Although not possible or desirable to marry my daughter, it was a sad day for me when she realized this and told her sister You can’t marry daddy. He’s already married. I could marry Zach. He’s a boy and five! He likes to get married to me ’cause I told him one night.
CHRISTMAS GIFTS
After getting all kinds of stuff for Christmas…What was your favorite gift? “Daddy’s jelly beans.” – Brielle
AWARDS
Arianna was so excited about the trophy she got for participating in her first dance recital. Her friend was over to play and she said Want to look at something precious and valuable? See my trophy? If you want you can borrow it to put in your room for a while. I hope I get another trophy soon. Maybe sharing trophies could become a new trend.
IMAGINATION
Brielle said I have a new friend. I shared a cookie with her. Her name is Allie with the green shoes.
TRAVELING
We got to Chicago after 7 hours of driving and greeted our friend at the door. Brielle steps into the house in a comatose state and says in a matter of fact voice “So…you got kids?” It was like a “what’s in it for me after this long trip?” attitude.
STAYING UP LATE and SLEEPING
The girls are little manipulators when it comes to staying up late. Common excuses are: I need my blanket. I need to go potty. I need a glass of water. Or the grand daddy of all excuses “Daddy, I need to tell you something. What? You know how much I love you? This much!” Yes …that’s about the only thing you can say that won’t get your little behind slapped for getting of bed yet again!
Brielle woke up in the morning saying the words “I closed my eyes.” Yes …you did …and a lot of time passed since then girl.
Each night when I put Arianna to bed she would squeeze me or pull on my shirt so I wouldn’t leave. After a while it got annoying. Then one night she gave me a hug and released me saying “Daddy, I’m letting you go.” I felt like going back to the night before.
One night Arianna woke up during a nightmare screaming “Purple Blanky!” (her favorite worn out blanket). It sounded like a horrible dream. It was chaos everywhere and no one knew where their blanket was.
These are very fast pajamas. – Arianna (They had cars on them)
Our family was going to sleep in a hotel room. Arianna came over as I was closing my eyes and gave me her most prized possession. “I’m giving you my purple blanket because I like sharing with other people.”
Brielle got up in the middle of the night, went potty, and then came in our room. Daddy can you help me put my diaper back on? Thanks daddy. I told her she was such a big girl. She said I get to go to school…and DisneyWorld! Then she closed the door and went back to bed.
NEW FRIENDS
I was wearing a tie and Brielle asked “You’re doing magic, dad?” “No, I’m visiting a friend.” “What’s her name?” (Now her favorite question.) “His name is Randall.” “I like Randall.” was the reply. Evidently, there is no need to know someone to like them.
At the swimming pool this summer, Arianna met a new girl her age for the first time ever. The conversation between them went like this: Will you be my friend? Sure. I’ll be your best friend forever!
HOLIDAYS
I think we should go trick or treating! Arianna … on March 30th!
Arianna made Valentines for her kindergarten class on November 13th. Share the love anytime.
Arianna made a manger scene with Mary, Joseph, the animals, and baby Jesus “in his nest.”
We were looking for a costume for a party. Arianna saw a costume of Moses online and said “Daddy, you can be Genesis for the party!”
DANCING
Why do you dance Arianna? It goes with the song!
BRUSHING TEETH
When you’re done brushing your teeth, you can spit out the water. That’s so awesome. – Arianna
ON GOD AND THE BIBLE
Who are Adam and Eve? They’re the people who were naked forever. – Arianna
Where does God live Arianna? In Arizona. He lives everywhere and in your heart. – Arianna
ON AGING, BIRTHDAYS, AND ANTICIPATION
My 5 year old said to my 3 year old. “If you want to be 5, you need to be 4 first!” So… if I can figure out how to be 4 again… then I can be 5 again? Oh cool! I have a task for the day now! This is a great life lesson for adults …outcomes follow our decisions …first this, then that.
On Arianna’s fifth birthday she said “I really can’t believe I’m going to be six. I really want to be six.” Always looking forward to the future.
ON THE TOILET
This year we got Brielle potty trained. One day Arianna was on the toilet and yelled something to us. Brielle yelled back “Wipe your own butt!” Guess she heard that one too many times.
oh my goodness, CRACK ME UP. I could listen to these girls ALL DAY LONG!!!!